Personal helicopter, with personal helicopter chauffeur and easier way of spelling 'chauffeur'.

Absurd skill at Go. Also, for Go to be a game people give a shit about.

The power to spot ninjas. They're everywhere. Hiding.

A universal remote with only one switch. The switch would have two settings: 'Polka' and 'Off'.

An innovative method for storing books underwater.

An actual French maid. Less to indulge a fantasy than to learn French while somebody else does my dishes.

Godzilla-in-a-can.