The Final Solution.

To Poverty, not Jews. Jews are fine. Poverty is a problem.

A Grecian Chorus, in the style of Aristophanes or Woody Allen's Mighty Aphrodite, which would function as a combination inner monologue/entourage/barbershop quartet.

A slide whistle ready in my hands when a nearby man is about to step on a banana peel.

One weakness. ONLY one weakness.

A Batman-style red phone that would connect directly to my cellular phone.

Two years in the future.

A magical fiddle that would cause bikers to square-dance whenever they heard it played.

Super-strength, exclusively for car-lifting purposes. I'd never worry about parking again.

A different color text, to differentiate myself from Daniel's wishes.

Well...how about that!

The chance to contribute to this blog.

...

Well, how about that!

Good help. It's so hard to find.