Kosher Bacon: give those rabbis something to smile about!

A pet monkey trained as a master diamond thief.

A last name that is also an abstract noun, like Danger, Fury, Love or Power. Alternately, all four of those abstract nouns.

An actual new day of the week called Caturday, so that 7/8 of the time, when lolcats ask "Is it Caturday yet?", my response can be "No. Shut up."

A familiar. Badger, for preference.

A giant hamster ball for jogging in the rain and over open water.

A 'mute' button for car alarms, small dogs, and people I hate.

Enough democracy to compensate for 4 days without wishing!