Personal helicopter, with personal helicopter chauffeur and easier way of spelling 'chauffeur'.

Absurd skill at Go. Also, for Go to be a game people give a shit about.

The power to spot ninjas. They're everywhere. Hiding.

A universal remote with only one switch. The switch would have two settings: 'Polka' and 'Off'.

An innovative method for storing books underwater.

An actual French maid. Less to indulge a fantasy than to learn French while somebody else does my dishes.

Godzilla-in-a-can.

Keys to the Russian Space Program.

A couch that folds down easily into a pocket-sized square for convenient carrying.

An ancient artifact of unspeakable power and unknowable strangeness. For preference, one that would fit on the mantle.

A robotic exoskeleton identical to my normal body. Except three stories tall. Put the book I want on the top shelf, will they?

A small island nation that exports rare and exotic tropical fruit, making us rich on the money of hippies.